Forgiveness Saved My Life with Candice Mama

Brent Peterson (00:01.321)
Welcome to Entrepreneurs Organization Minnesota. Today I have Candice Mamas. She was the speaker last year at the EO Rally in Minneapolis. Candice, give us an introduction. Tell us about yourself.

Candice (00:14.008)
Firstly, what an honor to see you again, Brins. I saw you last year at the EO Minnesota Rally. And what a rally it was. I mean, I was very privileged to be one of the keynote speakers. However, I learned so much from my fellow speakers that were on the stage. The amount of effort that goes into planning these events and the incredible speakers and attendees. Honestly, one of the best talks I've done in my career.

Brent Peterson (00:40.703)
Yeah, so tell us a little bit about your background and what led you to the EO Rally.

Candice (00:47.086)
Absolutely. So I come from South Africa and I was very privileged to speak for EO Global in Cape Town. And that's the reason I ended up in Minnesota. And the background is I have been for 10 years working with the United Nations, African Union, and I've been speaking about how to govern your own emotions, because I'm such a believer that whatever controls your emotions will control your life.

And the reason I got into this work is because I'm from South Africa, unfortunately, my father was murdered during apartheid. And when I was 24, I had the opportunity to go and meet his murderer in prison. I forgave him and I advocated for his parole. And by doing that, Brent, what I realized was that it freed me as much as it had freed him. And that is when I started to realize how much my resentment had been holding me back.

and how powerful our minds are and when we really tune in and listen to ourselves how much we can change the course of our destinies.

Brent Peterson (01:51.477)
Yeah, it was a very inspiring talk and I think we had some tears in our eyes and it was such a great moving experience. We try to do a collaboration as entrepreneurs. It's not just an entrepreneur organization, but it's all entrepreneurs. And actually, you are a great example of bringing people from all over the world. Tell us why somebody would want to come and what kind of collaborations they'd get while they're there.

Candice (02:20.864)
Everything you just said is exactly what the rally encompasses and it is different walks of life and different experiences. I think that's what makes it so incredible. Me coming from South Africa, I meet people that have come from all across the US, Canada and neighboring states. And what I realized was all of us are really trying to figure out.

how do we become the best versions of ourselves and how does that work with the careers that we are forging? And I think that was the best part of it, getting to have tea and just share conversations at the table, the facilitated talks and activities that we got to do together. I mean, it really did change me. And I'm not just saying that because I was hired by you. I'm saying it because I truly believe it. And having done this for 10 years, this was one of the best organized talks that I've attended.

Brent Peterson (03:12.437)
During the rally, one of the big things that we do is a mentoring session where we have seasoned entrepreneurs and new entrepreneurs. What would you say to a seasoned entrepreneur if we're looking for mentors, which we're always looking for people to come and help us, what would you say to them to come to the rally and talk about mentorship or being a mentor?

Candice (03:35.586)
I believe that.

As we grow through our professional careers and in our lives, what tends to happen is we become so content and comfortable with the places that we occupy. And when you actually step into the place of mentorship, what you realize is you are not teaching from the top down. You are actually learning and it becomes a reciprocal relationship. So what I would say to any mentor that's considering coming and becoming a mentor and stepping into that role is to look at it as an opportunity to enrich themselves as much as

to pass on the baton and engage in war stories. Because let's be honest, Brent, entrepreneurship is hard. And all of us could take that chance and really just share and see what can I learn from a new entrepreneur who's looking at the landscape differently and what can you impart upon them in order for them to avoid the hurdles that you had to go through.

Brent Peterson (04:30.133)
Entrepreneurship is often met with setbacks and I think that we as entrepreneurs always go through there. What advice would you give to somebody that can share their experience but also get experience from others at the rally about being about setbacks and about hurdles and about getting to the next level?

Candice (04:50.4)
I would say the biggest thing that I hear within these spaces and even questions I get asked is usually around imposter syndrome. my goodness, when I'm at these events, I don't know how to connect with people because I don't feel like I belong there or I feel like an imposter or even those people that you think have made it will talk about how they don't feel like they have anything to teach and impart. And I just want to say we take business way too personally. People do not

they're not judging you, they're not looking at you waiting for you to mess up. People just want to learn, we all just want to connect with the human being in front of us. And I think when we realize how little people actually think about us, then we give ourselves permission to just be human, to connect from a human level and to have fun. I think Brent, the biggest thing missing in a lot of these spaces is people take it so seriously. And I always joke and I'm like, honestly, life is too serious to be taken seriously. Go in there.

Be yourself, have a good time and realize that you have some expertise that have led you into this room that are worth sharing. And also, don't be afraid to sound silly. Don't be afraid to say, I don't know. What do you think? How would you approach this? Just don't be in your head and have a good time and have fun. Do not take it too seriously.

Brent Peterson (06:10.837)
started out with talking about how emotions play a role in our business lives and how that can draw us into something that maybe we don't want to do. Tell us a little bit about your experience with past set emotions and not taking them personally.

Candice (06:29.548)
You know, what I have learned is that very often in our lives, we're living out a story that we have created from past experiences, from our traumas, from the relationships that failed, from the business ideas that we couldn't launch, from the failure of businesses. Whatever those stories are, play on loop in our minds until we decide to stop the tape. And what I had to realize was I was tired of walking around with these glasses of failure, disappointment.

pain, whatever emotion I was allowing to dictate how I was going to move on to the next chapter. And I decided that I was going to forgive myself. I was going to show myself compassion for that person that did make those decisions, the person who did fail, the person who was brave enough to walk that path. And then I'm going to say, you know what? I am allowed to try again.

I am allowed to step into these spaces. I am allowed to love myself. I'm allowed to see myself as someone who gets things done and not as a failure. And I think so often brain, just because of the way our brains are wired to detect danger and to look at threats in our environment, what tends to happen is we never focus on the good things about ourselves. We're constantly looking at.

when I was this age, my mom told me I wasn't good enough. When I was at this point in my marriage, it failed. When my business reached this amount, it just couldn't go any further. Instead of saying, my goodness, I did pretty good. You know, like I started a business and I failed and it was amazing and I managed to actually finish something. Or.

I did this thing that I would have never been able to do had I been thinking in a previous paradigm. So that's all I'd say is change the lens, change the movie you keep playing in your mind and allow yourself to write a new movie.

Brent Peterson (08:22.213)
You have a chance to go around the world and speak and oftentimes you're speaking on a similar subject to the same subject and a lot of entrepreneurs I think think that they're either something they're doing as everybody else is doing it but there's a uniqueness in everything everybody's doing. Talk about how you take some of your uniqueness and make it unique on every presentation and how somebody could receive that.

Candice (08:47.566)
I believe the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that the market is saturated. If I had a dollar for every person who would say that's me because they're giving themselves permission not to do something, I would be a rivaling Elon Musk. So at this point, what I think is so important is that first, take a breather, just breathe. Question why you believe that you do not have the skill set to compete.

at that level or within that industry. Because very often we're just trying to protect ourselves. We don't want to be seen as failures. We don't want to be humiliated. We don't want people saying, what made you think you were so special? And we spend so much time thinking about how the external world is going to perceive us. We don't actually spend enough time doing exactly what you just pointed out, Brent, which is what is my unique selling point? Yes, there might be millions of people doing it. There might be

this many people in my area doing it, but what do I bring to it that's different? And a lot of that difference is gonna stem from your own lived experiences, your childhood, your relationships, the way you move through the world, your hobbies. All of these things are gonna create a clearer image of the person you are and what's gonna make a difference. And the truth is, brains, most things don't succeed simply because most people just never start.

And if more people started and weren't afraid to be imperfect and just see it through the end and just say, you know what, it's a saturated market. I'm gonna get in there and I'm gonna give myself 10 years. I'm gonna give myself five years to actually just finish it. I think we'd have a lot more people having successful stories in so-called saturated markets.

Brent Peterson (10:33.589)
You've had a very successful journey and you've been able to brand yourself and really move ahead in the world through some personal marketing and branding. What advice would you give to an attendee to take some of that what you've learned and maybe avoid some of the mistakes that you've made in the past?

Candice (10:55.758)
Absolutely. So the first thing I'd say to anyone who feels like they introverted or they're afraid of putting themselves out there is go in with a prepared one-liner about yourself. So don't make it boring. Don't be like, my name is Sarah and I come from Wisconsin and I am a hairdresser and I do this. Don't do that. Just train something that's simple and fun and quirky about you. So for me, for a long time, I would say

My name is Candice Mama and because of the side of my hair, I'd say something along the line, I'm Candice Mama. Think of if Rihanna and Oprah had a baby, that is pretty much what I do with my life. People are gonna be like, huh, if Rihanna? And so it becomes a cool little opener as to why I resonate with Rihanna, why I resonate with Oprah and who I am as a person. And so don't take it so seriously. Just go in one line and just give yourself a target. So say,

If I leave with three genuine connections, that's good enough for me. And put yourself in three spaces where you are curious and you allow yourself to actually be vulnerable in those spaces. And I promise you that's how you grow a network and that's how you start developing a personal brand.

Brent Peterson (12:13.237)
Alright, so just so we don't take ourselves too seriously, I do a thing called the Free Joke Project. I'm going to tell you a joke and all you have to do is give me a rating, one through five. And so I have a really good one today. So here we go. Which member of Abba was the oldest? Bjorn. It's easy to remember because he was Bjorn before others.

Candice (12:38.222)
That was actually really good because I was trying not to laugh and have my critical thinking on. That was really good. Well done. Well done. I would give that a nine because execution perfect. I love a good deadpan delivery on a joke. And obviously the joke itself. I might be using that in the future. Be careful Brent.

Brent Peterson (13:01.947)
All right, yes, people often complain that I don't smile and they don't understand. When they first meet me, they don't know that I'm gonna make a joke like that. All right, so just a couple more questions. You have traveled, you traveled quite a ways to get to Minnesota. Tell us about why somebody would want to travel and then when they land, what was the experience you had from both the people in Minnesota, but just the region and the culture and the venue?

Candice (13:31.182)
I personally loved it and it was such a different cultural experience for me because I've been to New York, to Chicago, a lot of the big cities, but the ones that are widely publicized in South Africa and around the world. And so was really looking forward to Minnesota just to see what the energy would be. And honestly, the nicest people I think I encountered.

Everyone is so warm, so inviting. I did my first axe throwing that I've ever done and I heard I was really good at it. I think it was complete flattery because I have eyes and I missed it every time. But I think it was absolutely incredible. But most importantly, actually getting yourself to the event and sitting in the room with everyone. Everyone was so warm and kind and open.

And I know a lot of people might think that, while you were the speaker, of course people are going to be nice to you. But the truth is, I would just observe from the background like a weirdo. And I would just be watching the energy in the room. And people were genuinely connecting. They were so excited to be there and just excited to learn with each other and have a good time. So I loved it. I think it was amazing.

Brent Peterson (14:41.637)
So just beyond everything you've already shared with us, which has been fantastic, thank you so much. What would be the key takeaway that you can think of that somebody would get from joining the rally? And what was your key takeaway from last year?

Candice (14:56.088)
There are so many key takeaways. So that becomes a really challenging question because now I'm thinking about Johnny Cupcakes, you know, and I'm thinking about just the other incredible speakers that were on the stage. But the biggest takeaway I took from the entire event was if you don't value what you bring to the marketplace, no one else will. And I think that's a powerful lesson we need to constantly remind ourselves with that we are not in the business of negotiating our worth with others.

We need to define what our worth is and then allow people to either take it or leave it. And if they decide to leave it, that's fine. We're not all for everyone. And that's a good thing because you don't want to be for everyone. You want to be for the right people that are going to continue to love and support your growth and your business and your brand. So just be OK with not being for every single person, but being sure that you dictate the price to the market.

Brent Peterson (15:51.765)
That's great, Candice Mama, it's been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. are almost at, we are 12 hours apart and I thank you for staying up and it's been such a pleasure. Thank you so much.

Candice (16:04.12)
Thank you so much for having me, friends.